Sweet and Sour Chicken
by Sainte Matthewe
Summary: It takes a real man to be a Sanzou... or at least a real chicken.
1. Default Chapter

**_Sweet And Sour Chicken_**

_By Sainte Matthewe_

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_Note: I own neither Chicken Boo, nor Gensoumaden Saiyuuki.  The former is from Animaniacs, and is copyrighted to some American company who escapes me.  Gensoumaden Saiyuuki is copywrite 1997-ish by Minekura Kazuya and Enix… _

_***_

_"Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you?_

_You don't act like the other chickens do._

_You wear a disguise,_

_To look like human guys,_

_But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo."_

__

            Gokuu yawned and stretched in the early morning sunshine.  It appeared that it was going to be a beautiful, normal day, as he dressed, and bounced down to the inn's common room, for breakfast.

            He was a little dismayed, as he entered, to see that he was the last one awake.  Gojyou was already starting on his meal.  Hakkai was nursing a cup of tea, and Sanzou… all the youth could see of Sanzou was the very top of his diadem.  With a nonchalant shrug, Gokuu approached the table and sat down.

            "Ohaiyo!" he was about to announce merrily, but laying eyes on the oddness on the other side of the table caused the word to stick in his throat.  "Uh…" came out instead.

            Instead of the violet-eyed glare he usually received for rising late, he was treated to a glare by a very large, very irate chicken in Sanzou's robes and diadem.  "Uh…"

            "Ohaiyo, Gokuu."  Hakkai supplied, as if nothing was amiss.

            "Hey, bakazaru." Was the water imp's morning greeting.

            "Uh…"

            "Is there something wrong?" the elder man asked, after pausing to sip his tea.

            "Why is a chicken wearing Sanzou's clothes?"

            Gojyou snorted, as Hakkai simply looked bewildered.  "That _is_ Sanzou, mush-for-brains-monkey."  'Sanzou' clucked his agreement.

            Gokuu raised an eyebrow.  "Are you sure?"

            "Very sure."  Hakkai began, before pausing again for tea.  "Perhaps if you ate something, he would look less like chicken?"

            The boy eyed the white-clad chicken one last time.  Hakkai was almost always right.

            Breakfast came and went, and 'Sanzou' still looked like a chicken.  Sitting in his usual seat in the jeep, Gokuu covertly stared at the mound of white cloth, topped with that gold diadem.  He couldn't help it.  It defied all logic that Sanzou still appeared to be a chicken, even though he wasn't even remotely hungry…

            "Oi, saru." That stopped all coherent thought.  "Is Sanzou still a giant chicken?"  With the taunting question, came a sharp jab in the ribs.

            "Yes, you blind toad." The boy snapped back, already tired of this argument.  Gojyou had teased him ceaselessly throughout breakfast, and it was getting old.

            "I am NOT a blind toad, and that is NOT a chicken!"  The redhead thrust a finger towards the being in question.

            "It is SO!"

            "Is NOT, you brainless ape!"

            The fighting continued in a similar manner, until the mound of white robes turned, stood on his seat, and hit both offending parties.  Then, with an irate 'cluck', he flopped back into his seat.

            "You're bad luck, monkey."  Gojyou whined, slumping in his seat.

            Gokuu could not answer.  He was nearly blacking out, not from the large goose egg he had acquired, but from shock.  Sanzou did not hit him with a paper fan—he knew far too well what that felt like.  Truth be told, the youth could have sworn that he was just hit by a chicken wing.  

            He didn't have time to contemplate his injury, for the clichéd group of malevolent youkai chose exactly that moment to appear. Jiipu suddenly shifted, leaving all four occupants standing, unfazed, on the ground, before making himself scarce.

            "A Sanzou, huh?  I wonder what the flesh of such a high ranking monk will taste like." Sneered one, as it leered obscenely at the white-robed being.

            Gokuu blinked dumbly after summoning his weapon.  "Like chicken?"  he offered.  Everything stopped, and all, random youkai and Hakkai included, turned to glare at him.  "What'd I say?"

            Weapon in hand, Gojyou made a rude noise and rolled his eyes.  With that, the fight commenced.

            Throughout the entire tiff, Gokuu kept an eye on the young monk.  He saw the didem and veil being knocked off.  He saw the sash and bamboo breastplate torn away; he saw the chicken lunge forward and out of the concealing robes.  And most clearly he saw the bewildered expression on the youkai's face as it screamed, "_THE MONK IS A CHICKEN?"_  That stopped everything.  

            Gokuu turned in mid-punch, and yelled back.  "Of course he is!  I _told_ you so!"

            The chicken in the youkai's grip grinned meekly as it clucked.  Meanwhile, the rest of Sanozu-ikkou looked bewildered.

            "Huh.  Bozou really _is_ a chicken.  Kono zaru was right."

            "Ah, ha, ha, ha…"

            "Mmmm… chicken…"  The random youkai had suddenly regained their hungry expression, and Chicken Sanzou was looking worried.

            "And not just any chicken, a HOLY chicken…"

            Now very frightened for its continued existence, the bird freed itself from the malignant grip, and hurried off down the road.  The group of youkai was fast on its heels, while Gokuu, Hakkai, and Gojyou watched, increasingly perplexed.

_"You wear a disguise_

_To look like human guys,_

_But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo."___

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**_In Heaven:_**

            The great Goddess of Mercy in Heaven, Konzeon Bosatsu, looked puzzled as she watched the latest tribulations of her favorite pilgrims.  "Hm.  That was an unexpected turn of events."

            "But the question is," her assistant began.  "Where is the real Sanzou?"

            "Good point."

**_The Argument:_**_  Forgive me my silliness, dear reader.  I woke up with this idea, one morning, and it demanded to be written.  Where the idea came from, I have no idea.  I haven't seen Animaniacs in a very long time.  Despite its obvious silliness, I hope you enjoyed it anyways.  Thanks for reading!  ~Sainte_


	2. The Epilogue

**Sweet and Sour Chicken:**

_Epilogue_

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**_Somewhere in Tongenkyo_**

            He was naked, tied up, tossed in a closet, and very much not happy about it.  Shifting, his bindings chafed his skin as he glared into the darkness.  Who ever visited this grave indignity upon him... HIM... Genjyou Sanzou, the thirty-first Sanzou to shoulder the responsibility of the Infernal Land and Sacred Sky sutras, was going to pay, and pay dearly.

            Sanzou was contemplating exactly what he was going to do, should he ever catch his assailant, when he heard strange music and a chorus sing:

_"You wear a disguise_

_To look like human guys,_

_But you're not a man, you're a chicken, Boo."_

__

            Sanzou made a face.  _This is so f****** stupid._

**_The Argument: _**_*cackles*  Inquiring minds wanted to know, so I answered.  Special thanks to Atressa, Author Lady, and all the nice people who review. ^_^_


End file.
